Believe me when I say I may have heard it all being out in the (scary) retail world. I thought I might include a few of my faves since I really need to lighten my bloggy world.
Side note: Nothing I say provokes these comments. I am innocent. Allegedly.
Me: What cute girls you have. Are they twins?
Mom: Nope. They are 10 months apart.
Me: Vision jaw hitting the ground: Oh.
Mom: Our oldest we adopted and then I found out I was pregnant.
Me: Oh OK! Doesn't God have a funny sense of humor (as I'm thinking shouldn't she have told me the details first!!)
Me: Would you be interested in opening a credit card? I am able to offer you 15% off of your purchases today.
Customer: I would NEVER get approved. When my last loser of a husband left me I had to file bankruptcy and I got stuck with all the bills. My credit sucks.
Me: Oh, OK. Do you have another form of payment?
Co-worker: Well, I hope that I can buy some Christmas gifts for my kids this year.
Me: I know, things can get really tough around the holidays.
Co-worker: Oh, well not because of the money. I'm just hoping that I'm not in jail in 2 weeks.
Me: Oh. (Silence.)
Co-worker: Well, you know, I got a DUI last spring and I was on probation.
Me: Oh. (Silence.) Ummm, did you do something that violated your probation?
Co-worker: I gave a dirty dump a few weeks ago.
Me: Oh. I'm not sure what that means.
Co-worker: Oh, well I was using and had to give a drug test and it came back positive. I thought for sure it had been enough time. It had been at least 3 or 4 days since I had last used.
Me: (Imagine jaw scraping the floor.) Oh. I guess that could be a problem.
Same co-worker (she's quite infamous at Kohl's but for some reason is friendly to me.): I need to write a check for what I'm buying. The address is wrong, the account number is wrong, the bank has changed names but the checks always go through.
Me: Oh. (Thinking...I hope I don't get fired for this.)
Under the big tent, circus
1 day ago